I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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