A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
