so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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