can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
