ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
