How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
