I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
