I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
