2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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