Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
