do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
