everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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