its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize