There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
