In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Only a mothe r could love this liver
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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