How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
