I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
