I think I died a long time ago.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize