God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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