I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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