I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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