Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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