I like my sex mixed with concussions.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Randomize
