You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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