it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
