I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Just cropdusted the office
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
