i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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