I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
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