my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
