he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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