he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
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