I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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