Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
