$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
