Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
