I accidentally burped into my bong.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
