the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
