GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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