she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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