Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
