i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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