I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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