My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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