My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
She's the barista slut.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
