can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
