This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
