My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
