why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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