I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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