I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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