last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
