evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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