and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
