Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
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I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
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My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?