Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)