her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
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She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
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Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...