You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
They have beer where we have blood.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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