Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
