just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?