five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.