I want to have your abortion
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction