Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
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i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
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This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?