My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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