Texts From Last Night

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  (415): View more from California

  How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?

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  (415): How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control? http://tfl.nu/y9i1
  Replies (27) Good night (1665) Bad night (3725)
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  (504): View more from Louisiana

  Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16

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  (504): Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16 http://tfl.nu/jkrb
  Replies (16) Good night (5164) Bad night (740)
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.

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  (336): I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me. http://tfl.nu/4zk7
  Replies (24) Good night (2783) Bad night (1160)
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse

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  (740): she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse http://tfl.nu/30t8
  Replies (14) Good night (4837) Bad night (1131)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.

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  (210): I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast. http://tfl.nu/qvgk
  Replies (143) Good night (2385) Bad night (50598)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?

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  (503): He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off? http://tfl.nu/40hd
  Replies (9) Good night (4418) Bad night (905)
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.

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  (502): Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore. http://tfl.nu/k6j5
  Replies (3) Good night (2050) Bad night (935)
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.

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  (256): I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self. http://tfl.nu/pw1v
  Replies (5) Good night (4757) Bad night (1009)
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  (716): View more from New York

  Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?

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  (716): Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle? http://tfl.nu/rwr7
  Replies (17) Good night (1363) Bad night (3271)
• Favorite

  (574): View more from Indiana

  Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.

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  (574): Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance. http://tfl.nu/jrt8
  Replies (6) Good night (573) Bad night (2238)
• Favorite

  (763): View more from Minnesota

  We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"

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  (763): We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!" http://tfl.nu/13ym
  Replies (6) Good night (1018) Bad night (556)
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.

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  (608): Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice. http://tfl.nu/it3i
  Replies (4) Good night (539) Bad night (1135)
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text

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  (818): My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text http://tfl.nu/gbkg
  Replies (28) Good night (1674) Bad night (716)
• Favorite

  (289): View more from Ontario

  In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.

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  (289): In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking. http://tfl.nu/ntm3
  Replies (13) Good night (458) Bad night (882)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am

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  (847): Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am http://tfl.nu/mhm6
  Replies (0) Good night (412) Bad night (210)

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