Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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