i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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