Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
