This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
