I faked an abortion last night.
You can't special order awesome
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
