When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
