U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
