Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
