you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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